Udayan
Is there a single day when a straight person might be apprehensive of revealing the fact that they’re into a relationship with a person of the opposite sex? Can gay people be so confidently out without even the slightest fear of a negative outcome? Until that day comes, gay pride parades are going to remain as relevant as ever.
Over the past three years of blogging and writing that I’ve been doing, I’ve had my fair share of critics. And since it’s not possible for me to reply to each individual critical mail that I get, I think for the benefit of all I’d rather make my point here on a more open forum.
I categorize my critics into two broad groups- I call them the ‘gay militants’ and the ‘straight’s allies’. Please do not read too much into the words ‘militant’ or ‘ally’. These are just for nomenclature’s sake. Let me begin by talking about the ‘gay militants’ first. These are the people who’ve been asking me why I spend so much effort in trying to convince straight people to support gay rights. The answer to this lies in the fact why I became a gay rights activist in the first place. There was a time when I used to feel utterly distressed by my gender non-conformity, my lack of attraction towards girls. It was only much later that I discovered, that my source of distress could actually be turned into a source of immense love and happiness. The point is, we live in a society that is highly hetero-centrist, to the point that it makes growing up a stifling experience for young LGBT people who may not have yet discovered the joys that an openly gay life can bring. They live in families that do not talk about this issue, and go to schools, where homophobic bullies can make life difficult for anyone who’s out. Therefore, while it may not be of any direct consequence to me that society becomes more accepting of gays, because I already lead my life as an openly gay person, we need to put a support structure in place for the ones, especially the teenage lot, which is still struggling with their sexual orientation. So what their parents and teachers think of homosexuality has a direct bearing on their lives. Plus, as we’ve seen in the United States, what these parents and teachers think also has an effect on how they vote. Now that Section 377 is gone, for the Government to make more gay-friendly decisions, we need the support of our straight friends all the more.
Now coming to the group that I’ve always considered more lethal than the other lot- the ‘straight’s allies’ or rather the ‘homophobe’s allies’ (As much as I’m sometimes tempted to, I can’t really believe in Queer As Folk’s Brian Kinney when he says, “There are two kinds of straight people- those who hate you on your face, and those who hate you behind your back”) Theirs is the classical question- Why gay pride? And the argument is simple- straight people don’t have a straight pride day. Then why do we need a gay pride day? Indeed what’s there to be proud of in being gay?
To answer that, we first need to get our understanding of the word ‘pride’ clear. There are two types of pride- there’s one that comes with achievement (Remember the euphoria you felt when you won that debate competition in high school?) But that’s not it. Pride is also the anti-thesis of shame. When an individual ,or worse, a whole community is relegated to the abyss of shame and self-loathing for years (centuries in our case), and finally when they gather the courage to come out in the open with a new sense of self-belief, what really drives that grit is nothing else, but the spirit of pride. Thus gay pride parades or rainbow parades are a show of pride in individual identity, as opposed to humiliation and subjugation, and at the same time a celebration of sexual diversity (Even our straight friends are invited to celebrate their heterosexuality!) However these parades serve another crucial purpose- that of sending a message to those still struggling to come out of their closets- a message that tells them that they’re not alone in their struggle.
As for the question of a straight pride day, I am only reminded of the old anecdote where a child asks his mother why there is no kids’ day like a mother’s day or a father’s day, and he’s told by his mom how every single day is a kids’ day! Can’t these finger-pointers see the simple fact that every single day is similarly a straight pride day too? On which day of the year is a straight person ashamed of revealing the fact that he or she is straight? Is there a single day when a straight person might be apprehensive of telling someone that they’re into a relationship with a person of the opposite sex? Can gay people be so confidently out without even the slightest fear of a negative outcome? Until that day comes, gay pride parades are going to remain as relevant as ever.
A very queer subset of the ‘homophobe’s allies’ group is what I refer to as the ‘homosexual hypocrites’. The homosexual hypocrite is a drawing room intellectual (you will NEVER see him at a pride parade, or even at some place as innocuous as an LGBT film festival), is definitely not out to his close family members and friends, considers himself ‘straight looking’, and despises the vibrant drag culture of our community as something rather animalistic. I call them hypocrites because whatever highfalutin intellectual talk they preach sitting in their living rooms flies in the face of their own internalized homophobia and almost paranoid closeted lives. The tolerance they expect from straight people is not in the least bit displayed for the minorities within the LGBTs- especially the transgendered community. And apart from asking the hypocritical question of “Why gay pride when there’s no straight pride”; upon being confronted with his own closeted life, his first and last line of defense is always this- “Straight people are not out about their sexuality. Then why should I be?” Straight people are not out! Who are we fooling here? They may not ‘announce to the world that they’re straight’, but that’s because they don’t need to. All the time they talk about their boyfriends and their girlfriends, their husbands and wives, without giving the slightest thought to the fact that in doing so they are being ‘out’ about their heterosexuality. Can any of these gay people who put that question be so frank with their straight friends about their private lives and relationships?
But I want that to happen. I want gay and lesbian people in my country to be as comfortable with their sexuality as straight Indians are. I want our LGBT adolescents to grow up in an environment free of harassment and self-loathing. I want the law of the land to ensure absolute equality in accordance with the principles enshrined in the Indian constitution by the founding fathers our nation.
That is my vision. That is my ‘homosexual agenda’.
(Udayan blogs at www.rainbowrays.blogspot.com)
Brilliant story, udayan!
great work udayan… deserve special applauds for your nomenclature… in my opinion the most dangerous are the “homosexual hypocrites”… while your article is a reply to your critics nevertheless it highlights the flaws within the community… i couldn’t agree with you more… enlightening insiders is more important… in our country where the community conscience in people is dismal its never a surprise to face lame criticism from insiders who are the real roadblocks in making progress… incomplete acceptance of homosexuality mixed with insensitive minds makes a deadly combination… most of these people are happy as long as there is party and sex around… the worry should be that threat is never as lethal from outsiders as it is from insiders… history is a witness… it makes one wonder how could India be ruled by British for four centuries but for the “support” of Indians!
when we need to be proactive and cut down the struggle time to get the “equal citizenship” status that countries like Americas to had put in by not repeating their mistakes these hypocrites need special attention… as far as your reply to your "critics" is concerned just reminds me what Bertrand Russell said “Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric”… keep going…
Okay. I don’t know which group i belong to, but i can say this. The problem with the LGBT community in India, specifically is that it is as a “community” a huge bundle of contradictions. Look at the number of gays/lesbians who hate bisexuals. At the number who’re scared of trans genders. At those who scoff at the idea of gay unions. Those who believe that the only way to be “gay” is to conform to “hetero-normative” ideas of gender and sexuality (by exaggerated effeminate behaviour or loud dressing). My point here being that the “gay agenda” is skewed unless we as member of the LGBT community can accept ourselves as we are with our differences and similarities. Also the process of acceptance and coming out is a long and difficult one. I have graduated from being confused about my homosexuality, to being a homophobic bisexual man to one where i’m quite open about my sexuality, proud of it and very comfortable with the different types of people who’re part of the community. But that process of transformation took a long time and i believe everyone should be given time to get used to the sheer variety that the LGBT community offers
On the question of prides, i think more than anything else, prides serve a political purpose. It gives visibility to those who’ve for ages been in the margins. Its existence overlooked and dismissed as “hijra”. It brings it to the drawing rooms of people and among certain people it makes them discuss it. You may be uncomfortable with the colourful display and may or may not conform to some or many of the stereotypes depicted there. But you can’t deny that they all form part of the community and deserve as much respect and acceptance as you would seek. Comfort and others such is a matter of personal choice. Besides one can’t deny that visibility also, directly or indirectly, lead to larger political leverage. One must not forget that progress in the western liberal democracies have come after massive struggle similar to those we’re witnessing in India today.
Great article! I love the question you ask at the very beginning…
Rahul,
I read your comment several times. Correct me if I’m wrong. But it seems that you do not feel represented enough within the community, or rather not represented enough to be an open member of it. But please understand that the only person who can truly represent you is you- yourself. So, if you feel under-represented instead of fretting about it, or blaming the influence of “western culture” why don’t you come out there and represent yourself and your beliefs?
Sunny,
I understand your point. Ideally, there shouldn’t be a need for gay pride parades in the first place, but prejudices do exist- both outside and within our community. Active members and community leaders have the responsibility of making sure all feel included. For instance, are our groups/communities in the big cities inclusive enough for LGBTs from the economically under-privileged classes? There are many hard questions like these that we have to answer.