Queer N` Funny

What a drag it is getting old…

When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.

I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

Queer N` Funny

He said: “I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!” He continued; “He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee.”

I said: “Well, then why are you crying?”

He said: “He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon.”

I said: “Well, so why are you crying?”

He said: “For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am.”

I said: “Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!”

And he said: “I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!”

***

Three friends — two straight guys and a gay guy — and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they’re standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. “I can’t let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny.”

Then came the second straight guy. “Sorry, can’t let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!”

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, “It doesn’t look good, Dick.”

***

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”

The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.”

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time?”

The man says, “I found out that my son is gay.”

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”

The man looks up and says, “Apparently my wife does.”