The Top 13 Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay
Fonzie: has an “office” in the men’s room and always tells guys to “sit on it.”
If you’re drunk enough, “Homer Simpson” sounds kinda like “homosexual.”
Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. “Girlfriend” has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.
Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and… Okay, maybe Falwell’s got something here.
Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway Musicals and potpourri.
“Shhhh, be vewy vewy wightous! I’m hunting a naked opewa-wuving wabbit!”
Will from “Will & Grace”: Not because the character is openly gay, but because if he were straight, he’d go by “Bill” and smoke cigars.
That Peter Jennings character on “ABC World News Tonight” is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.
Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C’mon!
Check the reruns closely: Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.
The letters in “The Teletubbies” can be rearranged to read, “He bites eel butt.”
“Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman”
and Number 1 Reason Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay…
David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of “Baywatch” with nary an erection.
The gay genie
A gay man was walking along the beach at Fire Island when he stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold, out popped a gay genie.
The Genie said, “Hey Girl, wassup?”
The amazed man asked if he got three wishes.
“Nope, just one…due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages, third-world countries, my new pumps pinching my big toes, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So…what’ll it be? The complete set of Tyson Cane videos? A copy of the Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday Mr. President sequined dress in your size with matching shoes?”
The man shook his head ‘no’, and didn’t hesitate. He said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”
The Genie looked at the map and shrieked, “Miss Thaaaaaang, I don’t think so, not in this lifetime!! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
The man thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man, you know, one that’s considerate and fun, warm and affectionate, gorgeous, is well endowed, only wants sex from me, doesn’t do drugs or drink too much, has a great job with a good income, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and tells me I always look fabulous, and is great in bed. That’s what I wish for… the perfect guy to have as my lover.”
The Genie let out a long sigh, clutched his hand to his heart and said, “Oh Miss Thang… let me see that map again.”
The hippie
A hippie gets on a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The hippie the asked the nun if she would have sex with him. Surprised, the Nun politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus resumes, the bus driver says to the hippie “if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you!” The hippie says of course, the driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight she goes to the cemetery to Pray to the Lord. ” If you went dressed in Robes and glowing powder,” said the male bus driver “you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you!”
The hippie goes out the next Tuesday evening. And right on schedule the Nun shows up. In the middle of Praying, he comes out of hiding, in Robes and glowing with the mask of the God. ” I am God, I’ve heard your Prayers and I will answer them but you must first give yourself to me!” The nun agrees but asked for anal sex so that she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and quickly goes to work on the Nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off the mask and shouts out “Ha ha, I’m the hippie!”
The Nun replies by whipping off her hood and shouting, Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!!”
