So, the other day, I met up with a gay friend of mine. Two young gay guys, both single and looking, in the same car. The discussion on homosexuality was inevitable. We discussed all the different sorts of guys one meets. How society has shaped them. And how they behave.
There is the i-am-pure-top guy who is an absolute dick, extremely desirable, but completely deflated after an initial burst of producing interest in oneself. And yes, if you are not going to give a blow job, and touching cum is disgusting to you, dude, you are straight, so stop fucking guys simply because you could not get a girl (this is not meant to offend guys who are actually gay and have feelings similar to what I have written above). You can blow me or get the fuck out of my bed.
Let's talk!
There is the i-am-oh-so-effeminate guy who is an absolute woman, says he is masculine, then plays with his extremely well maintained eye brows and bats his eye lashes at the waiter shamelessly. Ok, so when we were talking on the phone, why the fuck did you have a fake voice? And why the hell did you tell me that everyone tells you that you are so straight acting. Don’t you think I will see through the ten pounds of hair product, obscenely manicured eye brows, incredibly slated gait and demeanor, and the eye lash batting? Oh please! Don’t lie to me, and if you did, you had better sleep with the waiter.
There is the i-am-so-fashionably-cool guy who is in showbiz, says he cares about people and is down to earth, but he has the ego the size of my dick when it is erect (read huge) and the huge flowers on his shirts make him look incredibly gay, and yes, everyone knows that you are gay because your clothes scream it out, and to top it off, if you make fun of my French Pronunciations, you are an elitist dick, even when you are mispronouncing every Urdu word by default because you want to make sure that you don’t seem like you know the language spoken in your city by 99.5% of the people.
There is the i-am-so-emotionally-needy guy who would want to talk on the phone all the time and thinks it is romantic and not creepy, but he doesn’t realize that there are people who have jobs and lives and will greet you at 7 pm by “did you remember me now after the whole day?”. My reply until now was, I am so sorry, I thought that since we talked on the phone for two hours last night, one hour of which I was begging you to let me go, I could not call you by seven today. My reply, from now onwards is going to be, shut the fuck up and suck my sugar frosted dick, biyatch. Oh and sorry, but the quality of your skin is not the only good thing about you. Brainless idiot.
We also decided that in spite of these, and oh so many other negative stereotypes there are many good guys out there, we have both been with some.
And then we started discussing which hotel in Karachi is the best. Of course for having sexual trysts in. We did not reach an agreement. I liked Beach Luxury and he liked Hotel Mehran. Oh well! Maybe I’ll try it next time.
(From the blog Tuzk e Jalali by Jalaluddin from Karachi, Pakistan)
