To do and Not to do!

Shashank Salve

Hi to all you naughty butts out there. Well I’m finally given a chance to write my first article for the magazine, so I thought to write about something that is most important for all of us: S-E-X.

Sex isn’t taboo, so please don’t feel shy or bad about discussing it with your “Oh So Mr. Perfect” or any of those “Just another guy”… anyway, out of my experiences I’ve found a couple of What to and What not to Do or Say, before getting on bed with your that someone special or Mr. XYZ… never feel shy (but that doesn’t imply on being too very blunt or in simple word Ms. B****) to discuss about your choices with your partner. Your off bed and on bed choices both should be discussed well before you guys start getting cozy, it makes a difference (trust me!). Enough of that “gyan” now here’s what should be kept in mind-

• Please don’t over do your make up. Please sweethearts keep it more subtle and real, rather than those flashy eyes and highly puckered up glossy lips. Never wear mascara guys (even if you think it looks cool on you).Please leave it for your mom or your sis; it’s not so happening on a date. Never wear a strong deodorant or perfume; you don’t want them to look at you thinking, “OMG what is he smelling of??”
• If meeting at a public place, don’t just jump onto them or just fall on them (like one of my friends, he does it all the time and ends up with no fun! And then asks, “What did I do wrong??” Duh!). Don’t hurry up for everything, which even includes hugging or kissing them in public. They might get uncomfortable and slip out of your hands. Better keep a hold on yourself. Or if meeting at your place make sure your friends aren’t home. (You don’t want your date to tell you, “Hey do it slowly your friends might be overhearing us.”)
• Now don’t just jump onto bed with him! Talk to him a little bit (except about yourself and your Oh-So-Hot ex dates!) and try to find out what’s going on in his mind and then slowly make your move.
• Start with a kiss. The first kiss is really important, but just don’t put your tongue inside his mouth in the very first kiss. PLEASE!! It makes you look like a under training newbie or rather a Ms. Desperate. Take a little time for it, and try to figure out if he’s comfortable with it.
• But in case before you kiss him (or after it) you find out that he has a bad breath (which undoubtedly is worst thing to happen) don’t just tell it to him to his face. Ask him if he’d like a drink or something… a mint drink or soda or the drinks suggested in last issue would do (you guys should go and ask my ex for tips. After all these years I still don’t know how he tasted so good!).
• Anything worst than bad breath? Yeah there is!! Bad body odor. Ewww!! Now if you realize he smells like a stinking pig (which you could have been with all those strong deos or perfumes) don’t make faces baby! Simply pull him under the shower with you, slowly run your hands in his hair and soap him up. Now he ain’t smelling that bad anymore and surely must have “grown” even sexier and highly turned on (trust me!).
• Now pull him on your bed once he’s comfortable. Don’t talk much once you guys are ready for the thing. Do it before you start munching on him or just leave the talks as dessert (cause you just don’t want to shoo him away once you’re done.)
• Never use the “F” word… Never say “I want to f**k you” or “I want you to f**k me”. Instead stick to the basics – with the magic in your eyes say, “sweetie I want to make love to you” or “Oh, I want you to make love with me.” (depending on what your ‘positions’ are!). And make the best of it!
• The most important of all – don’t just blow out, (no pun intended here) if you don’t like a position. Don’t shout or scream or holler (grrrr) at him and say, “You don’t know how to do it”. Rather say, “I ain’t comfortable in this position, ‘please’ let’s try something else.”
• I don’t know what all weird positions you guys are going to go and try. But now you guys know what to and what not to do or say before and during sex. But what is more important is how well you behave after you guys are done.
• Above all don’t fall in love with him the next minute you guys are done. (Gosh!! It pisses the hell out of me when some random XYZ guy tells me that he loves me and he misses me! Go on! In your dreams dude!). Or please don’t introduce him to your friends immediately after having sex with him. He might get a little uncomfortable (no matter if your gang of besties doesn’t).
• Now once you guys are done don’t just hurry lacing your shoes up. Instead talk to him a little bit and then the ‘goodbye kisses’ (you don’t want him to bitch about you later that you were too “professional”). It surely doesn’t leave a good impression if you just do it and try to escape and make lame excuses to leave. (I did it so many times and they hate me Oh-So-much! Never make that mistake!)

Hope this will surely help all you guys (‘cause they worked out great deal for me). For any other help, I’m always here. So just turn it up and turn him on! Till the next issue ciao and warms hugs and kisses to all!