Ashamed to be a lesbian? Not any more!

Priya

There was just something that did not click. I had gone out with plenty of guys and began dating at a rather young age. It was never difficult to find boyfriends. But there was still something amiss. Either he didn’t like me too much or I did not. I am a rather old school lover. All this open relationship jazz doesn’t work for me. A relationship means a relationship.

Since I first began making friends, I have always been a girl’s girl. Not only do I get along with women fabulously, I get them and they get me. My best friends have always been women – I especially love older women. Somehow I never fit in with the guys and this used to bother me first but then it suited me perfectly well.

A few years ago I began questioning myself. The more I questioned, the more it seemed to fit in. I swung the other way! And how! My friends had always known my affairs with the opposite sex and they almost ridiculed me at the beginning when I came out to them. But soon they realized I was serious and began supporting my decision.

Coming out to my sister was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me. The alcohol did make it easier. But when she said, “You thought I was going to judge you for being gay? Don’t you know me at all?” and she hugged me. It remains the best decision I have made in my entire life.

Lesbians in India are a lot more visible today. While gay men can be found in movies, plays, books, theatres – mostly in characters that stereotype them. But they are still out there! The same just cannot be said about lesbians. Women in our country are expected to follow a certain code of conduct, ethics and morals. (While the men can go around molesting, raping and taking advantage of women). For women it starts with being a good daughter, then good wife, good mother, good daughter in law and the list is endless. A woman becomes just a co-dependent being in this entire scenario without any outlet for her feelings, desires and individuality.

And that is why coming out assumes a much greater role in the life of an Indian lesbian. Standing up and telling the world ‘this is who I am and accept me’ gives a sense of unparalleled joy which you can never find in the closet. The more visible we are, the easier it will be for others like us to have the courage to be out there. The closet provides warmth and comfort but when the temperature rises it will only make you claustrophobic and uneasy.

We live in the age of digital media and information. A large percentage of parents and the older generations in the urban setting are aware of the LGTB phenomenon. These discussions have finally come to dinner tables. This is yet another positive sign for many of us who are still not out. It might not be easy but it certainly isn’t that tough. Indian parents might surprise you sometimes. Be out and be proud! You aren’t alone.