When the flowers bloom again

Niket

Though the winters are long yet hope remains, that one day sun will shine again spring will come and flowers will bloom. When we left them last time both Mr. X and Mr Y were just out of their first love affairs, the first ones as they say are the hardest to get over and they did mourn for a long time but the lucid bird of love peaked once again in their lives. This time though it was different from the first, both were more experienced in the customs of the gay community and were for a lack of a better word wiser and cautious from their previous experiences.

Mr X met his guy online once again; oh what a boon the internet is. Can’t really fathom what our lives would have been without it. Anyway, getting back to our tale of the two friends, soon after Mr X became friends with this guy a very near and dear family member passed away. Mr X was devastated by the loss and this guy turned out to be just the thing Mr X needed to get through the ordeal. He was wonderful, supporting and always there for Mr X even though they were not too close when this tragedy struck. Thus they came very close to each other and eventually fell in love.

It is a well-known psychological phenomenon that when two people suffer through hardships together they form a bond between them, and the more severe this suffering is, the stronger the bond gets. This is the reason why people take their dates to joy rides or bungee jumping or sky diving because going through the adventure together strengthens their bond. But the question remains- is forming a strong bond at the start of a relationship enough to have a long and loving relationship with a person or is there something more that is needed in order to sustain the relationship over a significant period of time?

Meanwhile Mr Y had a totally different experience, he was fed up of being in the closet and being ridiculed at school for being gay even when he had tried his best to remain hidden. So Mr Y and this guy from college soon became pretty close friends and on one night when they were supposed to be studying for the next week’s exams they began to talk about Mr Y’s sexuality and one thing lead to another and soon they found themselves in bed together.

This was the beginning of Mr Y’s second love affair, both Mr Y and the other guy became inseparable and though no words of love or relationship were ever exchanged, they continued with their mutual exploration into this new territory. For Mr Y this was the happiest he had ever been, as he had a boyfriend who was also his best friend and they fit in well together.

But disaster was to strike soon, Mr Y and his friend didn’t keep this growing relationship between them a secret from their friends, in the beginning they all accepted it at face value but soon after they began raising doubts. Doubts like what will happen if Mr Y and the guy continued on in this relationship? How will the parents take it when they came to know of it? What will the relatives and other acquaintances think? Remember this was the time when homosexuality was still illegal in India and movies like Dostana were nowhere on the scene. During this time being gay and in a relationship was a big No-No, especially in small cities.

The guy on hearing all these arguments from his friends got really worried and started keeping his distance from Mr Y. He also started dating girls to appease his friends. Mr Y tried his hardest to convince him that it was ok and in the end all will work out for the better, but the arguments fell on deaf ears as the guy was convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that being gay was not an option for him and also associating with someone who was gay. Thus they separated but it was not without a spectacular argument and ultimately the brutal murder of the young love that was developing between the two.

Reading the above one may come to the conclusion that the guy Mr Y fell in love was an idiot and was doomed to live in a loveless marriage, married to a woman while his heart’s true desires were never fulfilled, or maybe he will turn to one of those pathetic men who have a wife but also have affairs with men on the side. But can you really blame a guy for looking for the interest of his family and relatives or may be that guy was bi-sexual and can love a woman as much as he loved Mr Y or perhaps he was just a young boy of 19 years not yet ready to fight the whole society that more or less dictates that the love and affection he feels for other boys is totally wrong and should never be pursued.

Meanwhile Mr X and his guy were having a wonderful time, no identity crisis there. Both were perfectly happy and secure in their identity as gay men and were very much in love with one another. But eventually the honeymoon period got over and Mr X began to realise their incompatibilities with each other, although they were good in lot of things together both Mr X and his guy were polar opposites on an intellectual level. This major difference started driving a wedge between them.

There is an old Chinese saying

“You should marry the person you love talking to, because several years down the line, their talking skills will matter more than any other skill.”

Eventually Mr X realised that this relationship cannot continue any further lest it hurts them even more later on in life. Nothing had changed in the guy who adored Mr X almost to the point of idolization but then you cannot have a relationship with someone who idolises you and puts you on a pedestal higher than themselves. Relationship is something that works between equals. Thus they split up.

How different and complicated relationships are, who knew something that is supposed to be simple and so natural to us humans can have so many facets to it. Once again both Mr X and Mr Y are single but love did come again in their lives, and may be this time it will stay. Stay tuned, all this will be revealed in the next segment of this article.